this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
