id be glad to
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Everything about him screamed your future.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
