My Higher Power is John Stamos
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
