your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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