Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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