I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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