Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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