Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
