I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
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I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
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Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
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