You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
