I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
