How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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