That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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