Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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