Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
