I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
