I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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