I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
