dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
