i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
