It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
