i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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