So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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