i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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