Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I still have a little drunk in my system
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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