Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
