Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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