I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
