yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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