You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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