You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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