so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You made out with two different species that night
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
