he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
