foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
