Already got asked if we're dating
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
