I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
