her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
