They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
