I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
