it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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