Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
