True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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