i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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