ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
