All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
