i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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