I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I could fuck to npr.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
