once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
