fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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