She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
