Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize