she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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