How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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