I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
