i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
