we have pet lesbian snakes
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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