You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
