I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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