um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
