remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
