@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
