i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
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She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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