Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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