Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
