'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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