im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
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I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
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I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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