And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
