my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
