I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
