I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
